Broken relationships hurt us all and make our lives difficult. But how do we fix them without a clear picture of what a healthy “peace-centered” relationship looks like?

The relationship “mapping” system I developed nearly 30 years ago pinpoints in a few simple strokes exactly what’s wrong and shows you how to restructure your connections so they work.

Explore the buttons on this page and learn how you can restore peace in your life through mapping. With your knowledge about your relationships and my blueprint for change, together we can heal dysfunction in one generation

Why is this button in the center of the circle and larger than the other eight? Because You Are Beautiful is a message that is fundamental to everything else.

The source of all human conflict is self-doubt. "Who am I?" "Why am I here?" are the 2 great mysteries of life. If we are taught that each of us is beautiful — lovable — we will see all others as the same. If we are taught there's something wrong with us, we will see all others as the same. This is what "creating your own reality" means.

It is never too late to imagine what it would have been like if, from the moment we were born, we were told, "You are beautiful." We wouldn't have needed to build a wall to protect ourselves from others because we would not have seen ourselves as vulnerable. As victims. Instead we would stop living in fear and live in love. Imagine that!

What is the Peace-Centered Relationship Model Map®?

A simple picture that captures how a peace-centered relationship looks, it was born out of the idea that every healthy relationship is founded on 5 basic, universal elements: shared space, equality, respect, connection, and balance.

It is the only healthy model for human relationships that applies to everyone, everywhere, and it is so simple a child can understand it. Once you learn it, all you will ever need is a pencil and piece of paper to be able to spot dysfunction and resolve conflict wherever you find it.

Your love story begins with you and your beloved. But your love will be tested when your differences come up. Despite your best intentions to be happy, dysfunction can sneak up on you. So, what to do? Well, how about practicing intimacy? As I define it, intimacy means "feeling free to be yourself," which means feeling "safe." We may not fully understand what intimacy looks or feels like, so we must practice it. For example, the next time you feel in conflict with your mate, try to see him/her not as your adversary or out to get you but as your partner.

With the 5 elements of the Peace-Centered Relationship Model® in mind, you have an organic "mapping" process available to help you in all situations where your goal is a peace-centered relationship.

Breaking out of dysfunction takes time. The other people in your life may resist change; if they can't pull you back into old, comfortable patterns, they will often escalate, trying to get the "old you" back. Don't give up and don't give in. Breaking through is a process; but breakthroughs can happen in an instant, and once you've had that "aha" moment there's no turning back. You are changed forever. And you discover how much better it feels to be at peace.

Peace is self-serving. No need to feel bad about that. The pleasure principle is what drives homo sapiens to do almost everything. Which is what I think will happen to you once you have a taste of the peace-centered relationship and the 5 elements that make it work. Who knows, you might even want to become a "peace-builder" in other areas of your life—or in every area.

When we are in conflict, we are unhappy; when we are at peace, we are happy. When we are happy, we are empowered; when we are unhappy we want to control others. Simple. One works, the other doesn't.

Happiness is also contagious. The more you smile, for example, the more smiles you draw to you. You literally create happiness. Even the act of smiling has a way of making us feel better. And that's a proven, scientific fact. Whenever you click on the You Are Beautiful button, you will learn a process you can do to be happy. And that button will be there whenever you need it.

There are only two kinds of relationships, conflict-centered or peace-centered. Since there's no such thing as the "absence" of conflict, what's the difference? A conflict-centered relationship is like a soap opera—the conflict is never resolved. In a peace-centered relationship conflict is resolved as soon as it comes up.

The Peace-Centered Relationship Model® is built on structure and principles that ensure you never lose your way. We don't focus on issues, which in conflict-centered relationships continually shift. We master "the rule of patterns." This empowers you to interrupt all unhealthy behavior patterns, including lack of respect. Equality, for example, is one of the 5 elements of the peace-centered model, therefore sacred to the integrity of the structure of the family itself. Without equality there can be no peace.

Only power struggles.

Our job as parents is to give our children roots and wings. That's very, very hard to do under the best of circumstances, but when we don't get our wings and have a hard time separating, our roots can't grow deep in healthy soil and the little flower we were can't bloom.

To avoid that same dysfunctional cycle from recurring yet one more time, let's admit that our parents made a mistake and choose to correct it by not repeating it. The only appropriate relationship for adult children to have with their parents is friendship, which is an enduring bond based on respect and love with no strings attached.

Although I discovered this exquisitely simple tool I call the Peace-Centered Relationship Model Map® quite by accident over 30 years ago, I have spent over 100,000 hours perfecting it. That's a lot of practice! Fortunately for you, that means I've done a lot of the work for you. But you will still have to practice. Peace is a spiritual idea but it is also a task and, like any task, we have to put in some work to get good at it. Even making the bed is a task that we don't get good at without practice.

You'll find many different ideas here for ways to practice being at peace in your relationships: from speaking up with firmness and compassion instead of anger to deep breathing at a red light to practicing a moment of kindness on a busy day even when you least feel like it.

Ugh. Yes, but we have to talk about it. Think, "Suffering helps us evolve. Suffering helps us to wake up." Now think, "Everyone who is spending time on this planet suffers. My suffering invites my compassion for the suffering of others."

Suffering levels the playing field. We all experience it. Life is fair after all. Ultimately it is our compassion that connects us and it is in this simple connection that we find peace.